


crusaders

by ladydawn



Category: TWRP | Tupper Ware Remix Party (Band)
Genre: Gen, maybe a little bit violent but nothing SUPER BAD sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 20:51:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9565898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladydawn/pseuds/ladydawn
Summary: The boys are called to help defend a planet against invaders.





	

When they weren’t trying to be as normal as possible in their home, they were out saving the entire Earth. Not by any cosmic duty or anything, but they’d grown loving toward the big blue-green marble and (most of) its inhabitants. Not by _cosmic_ duty, but by the duty of Doctor Sung, which was as cosmic as possible.

The call had come when Lord Phobos was once again organizing the pantry.

hello? Lord Phobos said into their transponder.

The being on the other end spoke rapidly in a language Lord Phobos hadn’t heard since he’d been much younger. And on a completely different planet.

whoa, whoa. he said, both to calm the being down and to center himself. what happened? slower this time.

The being took a deep breath and started again.

understood.

Lord Phobos placed the salt box back into the pantry and calmly yet urgently rushed to Doctor Sung. He sat meditating in the garden under the willow.

doc.

“Yeah, Phobos?” he replied.

i hate to interrupt you. there’s an emergency on Thyaos in kepler 1576b’s system.

Doctor Sung stood up. “Then let’s go,” he said, and they went inside to tell the others and get dressed.

The trip to the planet was short thanks to their craft. Though it was spacious in the back, everyone elected to stay up front, making it very crowded.

“Yo Havve, get your elbow out of my side,” Commander Meouch complained.

Havve dug his elbow farther into Meouch’s side, earning a low, irritated growl.

“Game faces on, guys,” Doctor Sung chided.

The being had said the danger was on the 55.8642° N, 4.2518° W coordinates of their rocky, plushy planet. Of course, that had been translated from the common Thya language, and might have been wrong. So when they landed, no one was in sight. And they were confused.

“This is wrong,” Doctor Sung said.

“I’m confused,” Commander Meouch said.

They piled out the door. They stood on a plushy terrain, an odd juxtaposition with all the rocks in sight. Lord Phobos tried a little bounce and Havve joined in.

“Yeah, this isn’t right.” Doctor Sung pulled out a device from his holster bag, using it to read the threat levels of the area. “Wait.”

what?

“Threat levels are through the roof!”

Commander Meouch scoffed. “That thing said the wandering neighbourhood cat was a threat,” he said.

“That thing was rabid.” Doctor Sung turned the device to Commander Meouch. 

Meouch calmly turned it away from him. “So you’re saying we’re in danger, Doc?” he asked.

“Yes, we’re in some kind of zone where there is an unusual amount of danger,” Doctor Sung replied.

DANGER ZONE.

thanks, havve.

“I set him up,” Doc said, smiling.

“I know you did,” Meouch said with an exasperated sigh.

Lord Phobos shook his head at them. so what do we do? he asked.

Doctor Sung looked around and even from behind his visor, everyone could tell he was squinting. “We -”

He was cut off by a blaster’s push, propelling him backwards into the starboard side panel of their spacecraft.

The rest of them scattered. They weren’t worried; Doc knew how to take a hit.

Commander Meouch ended up behind a rock formation in the shape of a V, though the prong to his left was taking a serious beating and the rocks were dangerously close to looking like a letter L. He took a deep breath and grabbed his blaster, pivoting quick and shooting at the first being. It fell over, and Commander Meouch turned back behind the rocks.

“We’ll take over this place,” one of them said.

Lord Phobos was stuck behind a rock tree thing with Havve. Quite literally stuck, as Havve constantly spoke in Phobos’s and only Phobos’s head.

HIGHWAY TO THE

He paused.

DANGER ZONE.

dude. Phobos said. In another place of his brain, he tried to formulate a plan.

WHAT?

not the time.

I THINK IT’S THE PERFECT TIME.

Phobos shook his head again. He thought about Doc, and realized it had been a second since he had. He looked for him, fully expecting Doc to still be lying dormant by their spacecraft.

However.

Doctor Sung stood blazing yellow and black and orange in his full gear, silhouetted by this system’s sun. He hit an enemy with a zuki, blocked a different oncoming enemy with his forearm, then swiftly jumped in the air and kicked both in their jaws. They landed on the planet’s plushy terrain.

Lord Phobos struck a hater with his gauntlet gun that was trying to come up behind Doc. Phobos finally stood and joined the fight.

“Is Havve on standby?” Doc asked.

Lord Phobos gave him a nod.

Commander Meouch stood with his back to a rock, still waiting for his blaster to come back on full charge. At least four injured goons stood before him, just a little too damaged to attack first. “Well, c’mon, fellas,” he taunted, as the ticker on the back of the grip of his gun kept rising, “who’s gonna be first?”

The goons all pounced at once, but Commander Meouch’s blaster was quicker - he took them all out (on stun, as per the Doctor’s orders) in one shot each. He thanked the stars.  


“How many more?” he called to Doc and Phobos as he rejoined everyone. 

Doc pulled out the device. “The threat level has gone down but according to normal levels it’s still too high,” he reported.

“But how many more?” Meouch asked.

“I don’t know!” Doc said. “Like, four?”

YOU’RE ALL STUPID.

The three turned their heads. Havve stood surrounded by bloody bodies. Or whatever passed as that invading alien species’ bodies.

“C’mon, man,” Doc said.

FIRSTLY, Havve ignored them, YOU’RE ALL GROUPED TOGETHER LIKE A SCHOOL OF FISH.

Commander Meouch opened his mouth to speak. SECONDLY, Havve continued, THEY ARE JUST INVADERS FOR THE SAKE OF INVADING. A VIRUS.

“You wanted to call trees a virus on Earth,” Meouch said.

THIRDLY. I ALREADY RIPPED THE OTHER ONES’ HEADS OFF.

Lord Phobos looked around. He definitely had ripped off the others’ heads.

goodness gracious, dude.

SORRY?

Doc looked around the expanse, arms akimbo, at all the dead beings around them. “Well.” He paused, taking out the device. He found that it read a null threat level. “Let’s get this cleaned up, then.”

The rest groaned.

* * *

After evaporating the last of the bodies, the crusaders were greeted by a couple of the home Thya rolling up to them in what looked like a golf cart. One, dressed in luxurious robes, came to each of them and bowed. “Thank you!” they said.

“You’re welcome. It’s really our pleasure,” Doctor Sung said. He bowed toward them as well and Lord Phobos followed suit. Doc looked at Meouch and Havve. They bowed.

“Thanks to you, Thyaos is safe once more,” the robed one said.

They exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes. Commander Meouch leaned over to Lord Phobos. “Dude, I’m gonna miss the game,” he said.

thya! Phobos said, and the Thya were visibly shaken by his voice suddenly in their heads. As most were. we are happy to help, and will be any time in the future, but we really must be getting back to our home.

“Of course!” the robed one said. “Please, take these gifts as thanks. And know you are always welcome here.”

They took the baskets with thanks, and with one final bow, the boys piled into their craft and jet back to Earth.

* * *

Back home, Lord Phobos was still finding grey blood in between his fingers. He picked at it angrily and finally gave up.

THE WINDOW CLEANER HELPS. Havve walked by the kitchen with clean hands.

Lord Phobos hastily grabbed for the cleaner under the sink. He poured some into a plastic bowl. He soaked his hands in it for a minute. When he pulled them back out and wiped them off, they were clean.

He went back to organizing the pantry.

**Author's Note:**

> havve rips off some heads but also does some kenny loggins.  
> thanks.


End file.
